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Page 5
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2016
The Rockaway Times
The son who will re-
main nameless (except
when referred to by oth-
ers) will be arriving back
on these shores this
weekend after a semester
in Ireland. That’s a huge
assumption because he
might on a whim join the
French Foreign Legion or
lose another set of glass-
es, misread the airport
signs and end up in Mo-
zambique.
This time hemight even
have a good excuse. The
email read:
I nailed my head going
on a castle tour through
some tiny ass doorway
(yes, it was that small if
I'm calling it tiny). Have
had a migraine since, al-
though it's better today
compared to Friday when
it happened. If it persists
I’ll go to the doctor. Don’t
think I'mconcussed since
my pupils aren’t dilated.”
Did you fall down, I
ask?
No, but my lights defi-
nitely flickered.
I don’t ask if bumping
his noggin had anything
to do with celebrating his
19th birthday over there.
Over there is where the
drinking age is 10 or 11
and the cursing is age is
4 or 5.
The nameless one has
never been confused
with St. Patrick or any
other saint but drinking
is not a particular vice of
his. Which pleases his
Irish mates.
I told them to cele-
brate for me, which was
received quite well con-
sidering it means more
whiskey for them.
He says the announce-
ment went out. Shane,
Jack, and some kid
named Cathal. Easy to
spell, hard to say.
"Tomorrow’s
Sean’s
birthday, I'll bring wom-
en. Cathal you can get the
drink."
Cathal was having none
of it.
"Shane you're a gin-
ger that works on a horse
ranch. Whatever women
would follow you, I can
vouch for Seanwhen say-
ing, they can stay home."
The lad who doesn’t
drink told me
“Don’t
worry I’ll probably be
waking up somewhere
in Dublin after my birth-
day.”
I anxiously awaited
email the next day hoping
everyone was home safe.
The message the next day
was supposed to reassure
me.
Cathal jumped in
the River Liffey and oth-
er than a few scuffles we
were home by midnight.
What?! I say. Hedoesn’t
respond for hours.
Only kidding about the
Liffey, although definite-
ly watched our heritage
in action. Still, everyone
got up for class at 8 a.m.
Like the legendary Irish
independence
fighter
Kevin Barry who wouldn’t
informonhis buddies and
was executed by the Brit-
ish, the one who remains
nameless offered no more
intel on the night in ques-
tion other than to say he
pulled an Irish exit at his
own birthday celebration
for my health, safety and
sanity.
A week later another
email arrives.
I ran into a bunchof the
guys who were out for my
birthday, got abused for
hitting my head on the
tour. But one of them did
mention the aftermath
of my birthday, "Got to
say Sean, one of the best
nights I ever had. I mean,
I did wake up handcuffed
to me own radiator inmy
room but I had my wallet
so it was grand."
As he’s getting ready to
return to the States, he
writes
"Can’t wait to get
home even if the Irishgirls
are tellingme not to."
And the Irish guys want
to keep a piece of him,
too.
“We’re going toWarsaw
in March. Jack, Shane,
Cathal, and others are
in. This is peer pressure
Sean."
That’s nice of them.
But I’ve failed as a parent
if my son gets talked into
going to Poland inMarch.
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