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THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2016
The Rockaway Times
The Texts Continue
Two words: Food Poisoning.
It’s a text from the Emerald Isle.
When we last left off my son
who will remain nameless was
textingme about hismishaps and
observations from abroad. He’s
in Ireland and would rather text
than have a live conversation.
I didn’t know Pepto Bismol
can give you a black tongue.
I google this as he is texting
me and see that it’s true.
Some
Irish kid saw it and said, I told
you not to kiss the girls from
Galway.
Google says Pepto can pro-
duce black stool too. I tell him
and he texts back
no, that’s ok.
The next day the texts be-
gin:
Good thing you told me
about black poop. I would’ve
thought my liver fell out.
I get tired of mistyping texts
and I ask if I can just call. He
texts back:
Is it imperative?
I’m studying. And I’m tired.
Imperative? Again, I think
somebody has stolen my son’s
phone and is doing a bad job
impersonating him.
A couple more days go by and
he texts:
Got glasses.
I’d sent a pair of glasses on
September 14 and he’s just get-
ting them on October 10th. I
text him back: Yay, ‘bout time.
He responds:
Dad, dads
don’t say “yay.”
Well, I do, especially when it
takes a month for something to
get there.
He continues:
Don’t get soft
since I’m not around. Rent a
kid if you have to.
I write back LOL which
means laugh out loud but to
make him cringe I text : Lol =
Lots of Love.
He responds:
As the Irish
say…you are hurting my
Catholic soul.
He says annoyed with room-
mates who play beer pong all
day – which I think was invent-
ed by the Sea Breeze ladies
or the Golden Age club. For
those of you not familiar with
beer pong it’s basically tossing
a ping pong ball into a cup of
beer sitting on a table. If the
ball you toss lands in the cup
your opponent has to chug the
contents.
He’s annoyed because they
play it with water and says:
Americans here are dumb. The
Irish are laughing about Don-
ald Trump. He sounds like a
Sunday school teacher com-
pared to them The way they
talk makes me cringe.
How are classes by the way?
We went on some field trip to
a bog. Stood out there for like 7
hours. Freezing rain. Went from
food poisoning to just plain sick.
Andmy shoes are wrecked.
He’s not crazy about his
roommates. The food sucks.
He’s been ill and his shoes are
wrecked. I’m trying to read be-
tween the lines of texts to see if
he likes it. I think he does.
But I’ll get to see firsthand as
I’m flying over for a visit. He
doesn’t seem all that excited
about seeing his parents. He
just sends another text :
Mail me boots and mac and
cheese.
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