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THURSDAY, MAY 26, 2016
The Rockaway Times
It’s all in your head. That’s
what my crystal ball is telling me
about my latest pain. Your back?
Your shoulder? It’s in your head.
You doubt my crystal ball? You
should. My tips and predictions
are usually a good sign to go the
otherway. If I sayone thing, bet the
opposite andenjoy thewinnings.
I’m like a psychic with a mil-
lion questions. Somebody not
to be believed. You know how
it is with psychics: What’s your
name? Where did you grow up?
Did you lose a loved one? You’re
the frigging psychic why are you
asking? Don’t you know?!
But like a broken psychic I’m
right twice a horoscope. Last
year I was giving real estate ad-
vice: buy Rockaway.
I caught some grief from
friends who snidely remarked,
oh Boyleing Points is a real es-
tate column. You’re a guru, huh?
Well, just a few months after
that tipTheNewYork Times listed
Rockaway as one of the next “hot”
neighborhoods. And now real es-
tate agents are all scrambling for
listings because properties are
being snatched up.
This time my crystal ball is
about pain. I have a torn rotator
cuff and a bone spur but I’m 99
percent sure the pain is in my
head. If I were 100 percent sure,
there’d be no pain.
What the hell am I talking
about? Tension, stress and our
personal demons cause us to
feel pain.
Yep. Real estate advice last
year; medical advice this year.
Yeah, I’m a quack but I’m not
only a fake doctor, I’m a patient.
I had sciatica several years
ago and was pretty much inca-
pacitated. I had an MRI that re-
vealed a couple of bulging disks
inmy back, the L-something this
and the L-something that. Sur-
gery was an option but I really,
really didn’t want go that way. I
tried everything – nerve blocks,
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Thursday, May 26th
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Friday night, May 27th
- After Work Party-
DJ Finesse and DJ Johnny Shine
Saturday, May 28th
- Mystic - Long Islands #1 Cover Band
9pm-1am
Sunday, May 29th
- Reggae Band 3-7pm
acupuncture, physical therapy,
steroids, massage – and then
stumbled upon biofeedback
which is basically half a shrink
session and half a relaxation
session.
A few hours after my third vis-
it I was watching a basketball
game at the Summer Classic at
St. Francis. A suddenly weird
sensation washed over me – I
was pain free. I was like a born-
again or a blind man given Ted
Williams vision.
I could only trace the new
lease on life to the most recent
treatment I’d had which was
biofeedback. So what’s biofeed-
back?Well, half the time you talk
about the stresses in your life
and the other half is spent try-
ing to make a machine go quiet.
They put a little strap that’s tied
to something that sounds like a
Geiger counter. It buzzes stead-
ily if you’re stressed out. The
more you relax the quieter the
machine gets.
On my first attempt, the ma-
chine sounded like it was gon-
na blow up and a Hazmat team
would rush in. The second week
the machine just burped a few
times. By the third week, I was
a Zen master, I’d turned the ma-
chine into a mute. I’d learned to
relax (which by the way didNOT
work with margaritas or Coro-
nas or other libations).
My pain disappeared. The
herniated discs were still in my
back so why’d the pain go away?
The pain disappeared when I let
go of some of the tension and
worries.
Ever since my born again ex-
perience I’ve been pretty ob-
noxious with other people about
their pain: It’s in your head, I’d
say without hesitation. I was so
bad I told somebody who was
bleeding from cutting them-
selves shaving that it was in their
head.
And now, I’ve got shoulder
pain and I know part of the pain
is in between my ears. It’s in my
head but I can’t get it out.
If this was painful to read, take
an Advil, and prepare yourself
for next week – more pain’s on
the way.
It’s In Your Head