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THURSDAY, APRIL 28, 2016
The Rockaway Times
DŽŶ͕ tĞĚ͕ &ƌŝ λκĂŵͲξƉŵ ͻ dƵĞƐ Θ dŚƵƌƐ λκĂŵͲρƉŵ
Sat 10am-3pm
Reader alert. Avert your eyes if
you can’t stand a little blue lan-
guage. I’dneverusesuchlanguage,
Mom. I’m just gonna quote be-
cause I gotta showsomebackbone,
somenerve, someyouknow….
Anyway, last week I had one
person mad at me. This week I’ll
have 1,223.
You saw last week’s letters, in
the We Get Email section, right?
SomeonewasmadatmebecauseI
didn’t have the balls towrite about
the scourge of underage drinking
and if I had any real balls I’d put it
on the front page. And they made
funof BoyleingPoints. That hurt.
TheletterwritersaidIhadnothing
tosayandIquote:Blah,blah,blah.
Nothing to say? This is the col-
umn of world problems. This is
the place where I talk about fight-
ing over armrests on airplanes.
This is the columnwhere society’s
mental health is threatenedby the
incessant yakkingof somepeople.
Most of you know this isn’t a
pulpit, it’s a playground.
There are no surprises. I’ve got
nothing to say and I say it loud.
Complaining about Boyleing
Points is like complaining about a
Sudoku puzzle.
Anyway back to the letter (you
can find it on our website). It was
an anonymous letter that said I
had no balls. It came in the reg-
ular mail with no return address.
Itwas typedand thename “Coach
K” was the signoff.
Letmeget thisoutof theway. Par-
ents, ifyourunderagekidsaredrink-
ing on the beach and leaving their
empties,dowhatyoucantostopit.
So, there, I said it. I don’t know
if that took balls or not. Coach K
also wrote: Perhaps you suffer
from fear of missing them. We all
wonder.
Yikes. The “we all wonder” line
shook me. Do you all really won-
der that? If so, stop, you’re creep-
ingme out.
Coach K said it was not a law
enforcement issue. Well, I guess
it shouldn’t be illegal then. In any
case, I hope parents, other coach-
es, and teachers and clergy have
gottensimilar lettersfromCoachK.
Of course, I wondered about
the identityof CoachK. I thought
it might be Joe Kenel. But he
wouldn’t waste a stamp on me
and he’d more likely just shout
about my lack of balls from the
stage at aGrayrider’s gig.
Then I wondered if it might be
theoriginalCoachK,MikeKrzyze-
wski, the famous basketball coach
from Duke University. As I was
dusting the letter for fingerprints,
a couple of Rockaway Colombos
came forth. JoeCourtney, akaThe
Detective, said Iwas looking at the
wrong gender. As did Ed Cashen.
Really, awoman? Wow, jeez.
They narrowed it down and
even came up with a name or
two. I wish I had the balls to say
who they guessed.
Ok, now what about the oth-
er 1,223 people ready to be an-
noyed? Well, that many people
signed a petition to name the fer-
ry dock after Laura Deckelman.
First of all, can we please get the
ferry here before we start naming
docksafterpeople? Laurashould
be quite pleased and amazed that
somanypeoplewant tohonor her
efforts in trying to get the ferry to
stay. She logged many a nautical
mile as she rode the ferry – I guess
every day – and took great pho-
tos and urged City Hall to keep
Seastreak alive. Laura’s allowed
us to use her pictures; some have
been been on the front page. She
should get a lifetime discount on
the future ferry.
But I’m thinking we should
hold off on naming things until
they actually exist and my second
thought is maybe we shouldn’t
name things after people who are
still alive. Imagine if someone in
City Hall said we’re calling it the
“deBlasioBoardwalk”becausehe
almost finished it on time.
Naming things? Let’s keep it
to 9/11 heroes and those who’ve
made the ultimate sacrifice.
Unofficial names are fine. The
Ferry Guy, is quite the honor.
That’s what people call Joe Harti-
gan who’s been the Number One
ferry advocate for longer than an-
yone.
If you want to complain, you
know where to send your anony-
mous notes.
Some Nerve