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THURSDAY, MARCH 16, 2017
The Rockaway Times
Supermarket Sickness
I write this column because
I’m cheap and my preferred
neighborhood shrinks don’t
take my insurance. I figure
most of you read Boyleing
Points while imagining me
lying down on a sofa while I
drone about some neurosis or
another. Wait, do people still
lie down in psychiatric offic-
es? I’m kinda ignorant in that
regard since the only model I
have for the patient-psychia-
trist dynamic is what I got from
Admiral Bellows, the psychia-
trist on I Dream Of Jeannie.
But now that I think about
it, Tony Soprano and others
I’ve seen, sit directly across
from a therapist. Yeah, that’d
be better, I guess. Lying down
looking at the ceiling and talk-
ing, while somebody sits in an
easy chair nearby, is definitely
weird, but it does have the ad-
vantage of avoiding eye con-
tact. Which is a big deal.
It’s like when you’re in Stop
and Shop. You’d rather not
have eye contact with someone
while you’re deciding whether
or not you should grab that tub
of ice cream from the freezer.
You don’t want to be saying,
it’s for the kids. They love this
damn stuff.
You want everyone looking
at the ceiling when your shop-
ping cart is overflowing with
potato chips and Fudgetown
cookies. Supermarkets should
rent carts that are clearly
marked This Stuff Is Not For
Me. And they could charge a
premium for carts that also
say: Swear To God.
It’s not just the stuff you’re
buying that makes the whole
Supermarket thing a night-
mare. I’ve sat inmy car for long
stretches trying to bracemyself.
I want to go in, get my stuff,
and get out. But it never hap-
pens. You know what hap-
pens? You see someone on
Aisle 1 who you know by face.
You smile, nod, maybe even
say hello. What do you do
when you see them again on
Aisle 2? You give them may-
be a quick smile and a hey, we
meet again, look. But you’re
thinking, I’m skipping Aisle 3
because I don’t want to have to
do this again. And you’re hop-
ing they don’t have the same
idea and you both end up to-
gether again on Aisle 4.
I’ve started down aisles and
practically knocked over the
cart, spinning it around for an
escape if I’ve seen someone
I’m trying to avoid.
It’s not much better running
into good friends. I really don’t
want to glance in their cart and
see something that will alter
my view of them. Why do they
have all those prunes? Are
those diapers?
And I don’t want them look-
ing at my cart. I don’t want to
feel like I have to defend the
fact that I’m a grown man who
likes Cap’n Crunch.
I’m twisted about this stuff
and I really should seek help,
but I can’t seek help because
I don’t have the time. I’m too
busy dreading getting behind
somebody on the checkout
line that I might have to make
small talk with.
I just want you to know – it’s
okay if you look up at the ceil-
ing if you see me shopping.
Ka e Cusmiani Ten Eyck, PT DPT
No g i mm i c k s . J u s t r e s u l t s .
C a l l t o d a y f o r y o u r a p p o i n t me n t !
119-15 Rockaway Beach Blvd, Rockaway Park, NY 11694
tel-718-634-3211 fax-718-634-0926
email: rbnyphysicaltherapy@gmail.com
website: www.rbnyphysicaltherapy.com
Sat 9am-2pm
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street parking
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