Chewing On Resolutions

Boyleing Points
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Wait. I have to pause my typing to stuff another holiday goodie into my overused mouth.  It’s a joyful time but my keyboard looks pretty sad as it’s sprinkled with cookie crumbs and a stray Ghirardelli chocolate wrapper. 

As the song goes, it’s the fat-fat-fat fattest time of the year.

It’s that time of year when I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook.  I mean, when you tie your shoelaces or god-forbid try to get something under the tree, you just don’t want witnesses as you struggle. The midsection gets in the way but it really feels like your head might just pop off and roll away.  You’re a balloon and the air’s trying to get out.

Moments later, when air pressure has stabilized in your cabin, you revert back to holiday cheer and calm your nerves with another piece of chocolate or a cookie. Usually both. 

By the way, there are a lot of chins in a Chinese phone book so I don’t think that was being insensitive.  I did a quick Google search and it seems the Chinese like the old joke just fine and if anything they are more concerned with the growing chins on their people.  China has 200 million fat people and 100 million of them are obese.  But I digress (with a raspberry filled cookie). 

You never know whose feelings you’re going to bruise or whose feelings somebody else is gonna stick up for which brings me to this week’s snack stopper. The son who will remain nameless is back from his semester in Ireland.  He seems fine other than dropping an occasional f-bomb like he’s still in Dublin.  Anyway, it seems the easily offended have made their way to Ireland --- though I don’t think they stand a chance.  Ireland’s a place where anybody who gets defensive or indignant gets a reflexive response:  Oh please, get over yourself.

When some suggested American Indian outfits were offensive to wear on Halloween the stores quickly sold out of the costumes.  Sometimes the battle between the offending and the offended is a tad one sided, as illustrated in one of the last emails I got from the nameless son:

Cathal convinced a blue haired girl (you know what that means ...easily triggered) that leprechauns are actually real and are an ethnic minority in Ireland and are currently petitioning for more rights because they don't have the right to vote and are currently being subjected to laws similar to that of Jim Crow in the South. The girl believed every word and thought it was an atrocity. 

Apparently Cathal made it quite the elaborate tale. The leprechauns were beaten up because they were little and because they lived at the end of the rainbow they’d had their gold stolen over and over by invading armies and big people bandits.

So if you hear of a movement to give Leprechauns more rights you can blame it on Cathal (it ain’t said like it’s spelled).  With his story telling he sounds like he’s from Rockaway but he’d have a nickname. His name is too much work. Hope he’s not offended.

Whew, typing this was rough.  Gotta go get me a treat.  Maybe something sweet, followed by something salty. Happy New Year. My resolution?  I promise not to offend.

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