Out Of Touch As Usual

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I dreamed and I was in a Netflix series, and was  being tortured. I was strapped in a chair, blindfolded, my face swollen already from the beatings. I wasn’t being brave. Even in my dreams, I make the Cowardly Lion seem like John Wayne.

With a gun at my head, they told me it was my last chance to identify the Kardashians.  Boom, I woke up dead.

In a second dream, I stepped out of character. They tried to force me to learn who each Kardashian was and who they date but, heroically, I died, refusing.

Hey, I know there’s nothing more boring than listening to another person’s dream. Jeez, I had a friend who would tell me his dreams even when I jumped up and down screaming for him to stop. I had this weird dream, he’d say. What dream isn’t weird? Stop! No, this one was really weird.

The difference between him and me is that I didn’t have that dream about the Kardashians, I just made it up, to make a point.

You really could torture me about current celebrities and I’d be dead soon enough ‘cause I don’t know diddly. I was reminded how out of touch when This Is America won Record of the Year at the Grammys. Oh, and the song by the same name won Song of The Year.

I’m thinking I’ll know the tune as soon as I hear it and that I just didn’t have the title in my head. Maybe it’s by somebody like Neil Diamond or Lee Greenwood. Well, I found the song online and nope. Never heard it.

And I certainly did not know the hip-hop artist who took home the honors. He goes by the name Childish Gambino. Huh? Carlo Gambino, I know. Childish Gambino? Just no.

In the old days, you’d have movie and TV stars, recording stars, athletes, and politicians. You didn’t have YouTube stars or Snapchat celebrities or even reality TV. It was easy to know the big names. There’d be some poll that said 97 percent of the people knew who the president was and you’d say, who the hell are the three percent who don’t?     

In the old days, they said you were getting old when the cops started to look like kids. Now, you’re old if you don’t know who has the most Instagram followers, (I know you guys reading this are hip and could’ve told me it was Selena Gomez). And you know you’re old if you’re still a regular on Facebook. And if you think Bill Gates is going to give you $24,000 (you never know!) for forwarding an email, you’re in the next phase after old.

Oh, I’m thinking 97 percent of you know who Bill Gates is.

I had to google Selena Gomez because I knew her name but didn’t know what she was famous for. I still don’t. She might even be in second place by the time this hits the newsstand, as soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo is coming on strong. Another soccer player, Neymar, is in the top ten. He’s got more than 100 million followers. Never heard of him. Imagine how famous he’d be if soccer wasn’t boring.

There’s probably a social media angle here. Maybe you can become famous for not knowing who’s famous. 

Anyway, see you on Vero. C’mon, get with it. It’s the next Instagram. I’m already looking for the next Childish Gambino.

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