120 Or Bust

Boyleing Points
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There’s no pleasing me. I’m glad we’re getting the extra hour of sunlight with Daylight Savings but losing an hour is kind of a steep price at my age.

Though some would tell me I’ve got the wrong outlook. Age is a mindset, they say. Kind of like back pain; it’s all in your head.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go all jump-off-a-cliff like Lazer did in his column a couple of weeks back. No, quite the opposite.

I was listening to a couple of guys on some podcast and they made the case that you should think you’re going to live to 120 years old. Your lifestyle, your investments, your ambition, your outlook on everything changes. You’re 70? You got 50 years left. Get moving.

Ew, right? Can you see yourself at 120? How much further can body parts sag?

But their point is if you aim for 120, you’ll likely live a longer, more vigorous life. One of these guys is 74 and he says he figures on living to 156. I’m embarrassed to say, he almost has me convinced. He said for every year you live, technology can extend your life by a bunch of years more.

You might not have any original parts left but maybe you’ll be around for jetpacks.

These longevity guys say the basics, eating and sleeping well and exercise, are keys but so is your mindset. They reject golf. Just sayin,’ dudes. They say golf is like sending an email to the body that you’ve started checking out. Hello, Florida readers.

The younger dude on the podcast, who’s 58, says 120 is completely manageable and you can even find precedence in the Bible. Turns out, Moses died at 120.

Moses clocked 120 but there’s a mystery what happened to life expectancy between him and his forbearers like Methuselah who lived to 969. Which is kind of a choke. You get all the way to 969 and you can’t do 31 more years?

Plenty of people know Methuselah but how many know the guy who comes in second? This dude named Jared made it to 962. Bit of a late bloomer, this Jared. He had a kid when he was 162. Imagine him taking his kid to school. Other kids wouldn’t ask, is that your father or grandfather. They’d ask if that was your ancestor.

I couldn’t stop with Jared. I felt like Sean McVeigh, The  Rockaway Times factologist, looking for facts you probably don’t need. I learned, for example, that Abel, you know the guy who got knocked off by Cain, he outlived Moses. He was 122 when his brother killed him. One hundred and twenty-two years with somebody. I dunno, I’m starting to think about Cain in a whole new light. “I’ve put up with your crap for a hundred and twenty-two years…”

Cain ate well and exercised and murdering his brother didn’t seem to affect his positive mindset. He lived to 730. And might have lived longer except his house fell on him.

It’s like that old line, somebody looks at a 120-year-old and says,

“Gawd, who would want to be 120?” The answer: the guy who’s 119.

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