Truth Bombs

Boyleing Points
Typography

I was gonna write about waking up on the wrong side of the Roman candle because I don’t believe in fireworks after midnight. 

But I’m not gonna write about that, I’m just sayin’.

I’m all for the bombs bursting in air and the rockets’ red glare on the 4th of July but I’m not looking for proof through the night that the flag is still there when the calendar says it’s the 5th of July.

Hey, I know, I’m a dud and I should just turn up the white noise machine. But c’mon, turn it down for the puppies. Poor dogs get scared and quake and quiver and many canines have told me that explosions after midnight are B.S. And they’ve told me using a Scooby-Doo voice. “This is Bullrit.”

So c’mon, all you Gruccis, wrap it up by midnight. Not for me. For the puppies.

Since I was up by the dawn’s early light, I figured I’d write about kids and how they lie. Because what else do you think about in the early morning? You’ll be comforted to know, according to the National Geographic no less, that kids are supposed to lie and it’s a healthy sign of development.

I guess if you have a kid who never lies, you’ve got a problem child. “Hey Johnny, don’t you love Grandma’s cooking?” “It’s disgusting!” Grandma is crushed. “But Grandma, he’s so honest.”

The people who study kids and lying say getting better at it is a good measure of mental growth. To lie effectively, you’ve got to know the truth, suppress that truth, and invent some other reality all in a snap. All that inventing shows signs of a healthy, developing brain.

Of course, sometimes laziness overrides a good lie. You ask the kid where he’s going and he says, “Out.” You’d like a little more specificity, so you ask, “Where’s out?” And the kid responds, “Out.” Sometimes they elaborate and say, “Out, out.”

You can see the thought bubble form above their heads. C’mon, do I really have to come up with a load of crap right now? Can’t you just leave me alone? What’s wrong with ‘out’ as an answer? You want me to lie?

Not surprisingly, lying peaks in the teen years when those incorrigible Pitas (as in Pains in the Ass) exert more independence and do stuff they, well, have to lie about.

Old people, the non-pitas, lie less. If Grandma’s food is disgusting, they’ll say so. That just makes them obnoxious but not liars.

Interestingly enough, men and women lie with the same frequency. A study showed that women are more likely to lie to make another person feel good. Men, those rats, lied most often to make themselves look better. Come to think of it, I tell people I have a great singing voice all the time.

Anyway, if you’re wondering how we got from fireworks to here, it’s because fireworks and the 4th of July remind me of George Washington who famously said, “I cannot tell a lie.” Which is quite a whopper. Or as Scooby would say: Bullrit.

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