Now Hear This

Between The Bridges
Typography

This past weekend, whilst I was over at the Rockaway Stop and Shop picking up various staples and sundries I probably didn't need, I chanced upon an elderly married couple, both neighbors from Broad Channel, engaged in an excited discussion about the fact that an Uber driver had tested positive for the dreaded coronavirus, and was being held in isolation for treatment at St. John's Episcopal Hospital.

The husband appeared to be extremely concerned about this issue, as he feared that he was in an "at risk" group" because of his age and some health-related issues. In an attempt to temper the husband's fears, I explained that if he was worried that he may have utilized this Uber driver's services recently, the Health Department would have already identified the driver's individual customers and reached out to them by this time. 

My comments were met by a look of confusion from the husband which was explained when his wife chimed in, "The old goat is as deaf as a rock, you have to scream at him to make sure he can hear you. Can't hear a thing." I inquired if her husband had, in fact, utilized a local Uber service recently to which she responded loudly, "The old curmudgeon couldn't hail a cab to save his life, let alone operate a smart phone to hail an Uber ride. Besides, I can't for the life of me understand why he is so upset about this. His eyesight is so bad that the DMV wouldn't renew his license. If he needs to travel, I am his personal chauffeur." 

I suggested that if he continues to be very upset about the virus issue, perhaps she should take him to see his personal physician for a checkup just so that he could be assured everything is OK. As I was speaking, the husband kept waving at his wife yelling, "Huh! What did he say?" 

The wife simply sighed and continued, "That's a non-starter...I just recently had him at his doctor and it was a disaster. After waiting over an hour to see the physician, the nurse explained that she had to take his blood pressure and all you could hear from him was 'What'd she say?' I had to scream at him that she wanted to check his blood pressure to make him understand. Then the nurse told him she wanted to check his weight and we went through the "'What'd she say?'" routine once again. I yelled in his ear that he had to step on the scale to have his weight taken. Finally, the nurse stated she needed a urine and stool sample and old faithful over there yelled back at me, ‘Fer Christ's sake, what'd she say?’ I couldn't take it anymore so I told the old geezer to simply give the nurse his underwear so we could both get the hell out of there.'"

As we were going through the check-out line, hubby spied a tabloid headline that read: "The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore." 

Apparently his eyesight isn't all that bad as while pointing at the headline he suddenly turned to me smiling and said,  "Look, good news! W.H.O. let the Dogs Out!"

Broad Channel, why would anyone want to live anywhere else?

By Petter Bridges 

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