Suddenly Summer

The Lazer Speaks

And just like that, we have 80-degree weather and crowds that completely overpopulate the peninsula! How does nature know that it’s Memorial Day? And how does the City not remember the lines from last year’s ferries? Would it have been impossible to plan for larger or more ferries for the people who waited for hours in Manhattan or those bypassed in Brooklyn? How about those waiting in the rain for the return trip? What a disaster. Failure snatched from the jaws of victory.

And how about all the enemies of Bill de Blasio seizing on the opportunity to use the $600 million spent on the ferry system to beat poor Bill up. I am not defending His Honor, but I am afraid that our dear ferry gets hit in the crossfire and sinks. They keep talking about the subsidy and the fact that only so many people ride the ferries compared to the subways. But maybe larger ferries, more ridership. I mean how many double-sized Q22s do I have to see riding empty?

But like Yogi Berra once said, “it’s too crowded, nobody goes there anymore.” Perhaps we should start using these pages to discourage people from coming here in the summer? I mean, let’s face it, if disaster strikes, there is no plan to get people off this peninsula on a summer weekend. That’s not to mention all the people who continue to come here and live. We don’t really have a hospital, schools are closing, and the two main bridges are continually under construction. Am I missing something?

It’s great to see that the sand has been replenished, but a ride on the boardwalk will uncover that people get off whatever transportation they took and go on that beach. Whether it’s the train, ferry or bus, people just go to that very beach and never venture left or right. It makes no sense. But it doesn’t really matter, because that sand brought here at considerable expense is already disappearing back into the Atlantic without any jetties to halt its progress. Good thing those are coming in 2020, there should be a few grains of sand left by then.

Would it be impossible to open up some of the empty lots and use them for parking? I mean, yeah perhaps they are polluted in some way from decades ago, but does it matter if you are just parking cars on them? Couldn’t the parking fees be used to offset the ferry subsidy?

Or perhaps we should just tell people that the Great White Shark spotted in the Long Island Sound has made its way to Rockaway and is terrorizing beachgoers? Last count, we lost 27 swimmers with no remains found. Or maybe spread some rumors about the terrible crime wave sweeping the Rockaways. The awful mobsters have infiltrated the peninsula and are making life miserable for tourists with the rampant pickpocketing, extortion and Game of Thrones-like murders. Who am I kidding, its beautiful here, come one, come all.

Well one thing is for sure, suddenly it’s summer!  

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