Hello Goddess! I love when I hear you say that to people! I have a situation. I have a 19-year-old daughter that is very feminine, she attracts older men, and it's a very familiar story. It's another version of me and her father. Her father is 15 years older than I. Although we are no longer together, he is a great parent. I am constantly thinking, pretty much obsessing about her and how she dates older men. She hides them from me, and she thinks I don't know. She's a great student in s.chool and has nice friends. She does after-school things, and I'm really proud of her. I don't want to mess up our relationship, which is overall ok.
I want her to have a full life and realize all of her choices. She is still young enough where I set times for her to come home and I set rules. She works and contributes to the house in small ways. She's really a good kid! How can I approach her with my worries without pushing her into the life that I don't exactly want for her? Young, married to an older man, pregnant and suffering.
Dear Mirror Mirror,
I am so glad you are writing in, I sense an ease in most of your writing. I'm curious if you feel ok or trust the fact that she is a "good kid." And your worries are very real. Have you and her had any talks about sex and dating? If you haven't, it might be a good place to begin. NOT an instructional talk, but one that is open and curious, and includes empowering conversations about safe sex. I speak to this first, to help avoid early pregnancy. Dating is one thing, having a child is another Universe. Are you dating? Sharing a small empowering snippet from your own life can be a great way to open the door of vulnerability and trust.
The movie "13 Going on 30" can be a corny and funny way to get in touch with her mindset, to be watched together, and then, over cooking or a meal, to ask questions and answer questions. Beware of sounding like a reporter. Also, integrate the truth, that you love her and want the best for her, and if she is dating someone, no matter what he's about, that you'd love to meet him, and you'll do your best to have no judgement. That means, really no advice-giving to her if she is open to introducing you. That might be the hardest part. Not telling her what to do, building dating trust and meeting her dates can be the best way to build trust and an open door to come to you when SHE DECIDES.
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