I want to change. I doubt myself ALL the time. I stay awake every night riddled with self-doubting thoughts, replaying old things that have passed. I create stories that are not true and then live in inner pain and turmoil. I read your column here a lot, and it's a big deal for me to reach out, so I hope my letter gets answered. I am kind of out of shape. I will begin to work out again this year, but I feel pretty much hopeless that I can change. Can I? I know you don't have the specific answers for me, but I am desperate, and cannot live the next 40 or more years like this. I want to have fun, relax and enjoy the moments I spend with my family and friends....
Dear Debbie Doubter,
I have so much love for you already, I know that self-doubt voice well. I've always had it, which is why I'm so passionate about helping others to train that self doubt voice. We all have programing that has taught us to question what we naturally think. Your intuitive voice can be fine tuned, that is the antidote to the self doubt, and the news about listening to your intuition AND trusting that it's right can be uncomfortable and confronting. BUT once you build a track record for listening and following your intuition, you can "keep score" and slow down to make choices that FEEL better for you.
When you begin to make choices for you, and choose to ignore the self-doubt, it will make others uncomfortable, and your job is to get comfortable with other people's discomfort. The best advice here is — don't be alone in this area, self-doubt voices will get louder when you begin to believe in yourself, and it can be a pit fall or a boobie trap, to get you to go deeper into the rabbit hole of old beliefs...
An old belief for you might be, "If I make choices for myself, others will think I'm a b*tch, or mean or they will leave me." This belief is a common one, I wonder if it resonates for you. I recommend you writing these moments down, so you can read and reflect moments of your changing your mindset.
People pleasing is a rampant disease of many women, and it cripples our intuitive muscles, so to speak. So, find a group or a supportive, willing friend to be with you on this journey. If you have no one, come to The Awkward Enchanted Coven on Facebook, you will find like-minded women who are trained to support you on this part of your journey!
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