What Do You Want?


Dear Enchantress,

So, I’m a man, but I know you’ve been doing workshops with men, so here I am. I am a single guy, I’ve been dating forever, I’m in my 40’s. I have certain women that are booty calls, I don’t know what else to call them. I know one since college, so it’s been 18 years, and the other two are ones I see every so often. One doesn’t live in NY, and the other I’m not that excited about. I don’t know any alternatives. When I date, I decide which bucket the woman goes into. Interested in dating, booty call, or not interested at all. I don’t know any alternatives, and this feels boring. I’m a single dad, and love my son. Every other weekend is my dating time. I won’t introduce him to anyone unless I care about the girl. Got any advice?


Dear Booty Boy,

I am humbled and grateful you have reached out. You are speaking for many men. This old paradigm of dating is how I use to date and meet men. Categorizing “what each woman is for” sounds like a very young version of you. It sounds like your language and methods are expired and you are looking for new ways. Congratulations! There are other ways to relate to women, and I’d love to keep it simple here, so you can use these practices.

First, a question: What do you want?  Sit with this for a moment. Allow yourself to get clear, are you in a space in your life where you want a more consistent woman (not girl) in your life? Or do you want the best love (not booty call) of your life. Is it possible that one of your now lovers, could be either of those?

Next, can you be open to sharing more of your inner thoughts with your lovers? You might be surprised. A woman who is a lover for 18 years, could turn into a lover with a deeper connection, which would be more fun!

I get the sense you may think that if you were more truthful with any of your lovers, that it would be over, or a fear that they would want more, and you would somehow disappoint them. I ask you, what if it’s possible, they are doing exactly what pleases them, too? What if you realized you were two consenting adults who could be intimately connected physically, AND (just for fun) could connect emotionally as well, and NOTHING about your timeline could change unless you both desired it to. The old paradigm of dating and relating ties in with men being the only ones who want sex, and women “giving it up” but really wanting a ring and a commitment. That doesn’t always fit. My theory is the more we can connect through transparency, the more fun and connected we can be.

Shane is available for VIP life coaching, and private burlesque classes and intimacy workshops. For more information, go to www.enchantedembodiment.com