Penny Pincher


Dear Enchantress,

I feel cheap all the time. I am always the one who wants to split the bill down to the dollar. I re-gift everything and I have a really hard time buying my kids’ teachers gifts. I think people make fun of me behind my back, but I can't seem to change! UGH! My parents are cheap, too, and they are pretty severe.Their house is being held together with glue and rubber bands, they take the ketchups and napkins from diners, and I'm mortified, and yet, it's worse because I am the same! My kids are young, so I don't think they know my issues yet. My husband shakes his head. He's a bit ahead of me, but pretty cheap, too. He will spend money on sports things though. I work, so I have my own money, but I am so frugal and I'm worried I'll turn into my parents even more and worse, my kids will be like me! Help!       


Dear Cheap Charlie,

You are so brave to out yourself and own your cheapness. I am here to celebrate you! Good for you for outing yourself, this is not an easy one, also I want to celebrate you for owning your cheapness and your AWARENESS! When you are aware of anything, it is only then you can make a CHOICE! There are many reasons to be cheap, whether it's unconscious or the person is not aware, it's painful for others to be around this person, the lack and scarcity mindset can leak out and affect how people regard you as a friend and a loved one.

I will not advise you to go out and spend a lot of money. But I will suggest making small donations to a charity of your choosing, start small. Making your money go to places that really NEED your help would be a great start. Some causes will send you a thank you poster. I sent $18 to a charity and dedicated it to my grandparents and it's on my fridge, making me feel a loving connection to them. It can be something you do with your children, have a pushkeh (how my grandmother would say it in Yiddish), where you drop change inside. Decide with your kids who and where the money will go to, and when it's full, take them to either the bank or the place to make the donation. When it's a project like this, it's easier.

As for your internal workings, I would advise you to have a nightly gratitude check- in. Have a dedicated notebook where you write what you’re grateful for, for the day. Declaring and seeing (in writing) all the abundance that you have in your life, will take the spotlight off your money. When there is a problem somewhere, it's human nature to focus on what is broken. The gratitude is focusing on what's right!

Taking out children’s books from the library about money to read with your kids, (and your inner child) so you can re-learn and re-visit your money beliefs and mindsets, along with them, will be helpful. One big homework that I will give you is, to list one hundred money moments in your life. They can be big or small moments, and make sure you write down the earliest money moment you can remember. Enjoy your dollars and make some cents!

For more information on how to work with Enchantress Shane, go to