The Approach


Dear Enchantress,

I got an easy one for you. How do I approach a man? I usually get yelled back at, or I push my limits and give stupid compliments. I've always been this way, I think I'm more masculine then feminine, and I have fun, but I also think that people think I'm a lesbian, lesbians are cool and all, but I am interested in men. And the men I attract usually do not turn me on. I'm 35 and have not really been in a long-term relationship. What am I doing wrong? I'm not sure I want to have kids, but I definitely picture myself married and all. HELP!


Dear Mary Making Yourself Wrong,

Great question! I relate to this, when I was younger and in high school and the beginning of college, it was a thing to hang out with males and be rowdy and competitive, and do a fast-paced banter, then we would end up "hooking up" and I would get super awkward and often hurt and feeling rejected and get obsessed. SO, my first two pieces of advice are to: Slow down and ask yourself—"what do I like about myself?"

When you make yourself wrong, it's hard to a) have fun and b) have thoughts that are curious or playful.

You don't have to change at all, you can still be yourself. Your sense of humor is one that is unique and there are men that will like and love you just as you are. If you are feeling REALLY brave, after you say one of your "stupid compliments" to a man, you can ask him any one of these questions or shares: What was it like to hear that compliment from me? Did you know that was a compliment? That was my awkward attempt to give you a compliment. How did that compliment land with you?

You are basically asking for feedback, and pay CLOSE attention to the response you get. Take note of it, and also trust that your guy or your type of guy will find your way of being charming and enchanted!

Enchantress Shane is hosting the next Burlesque class on Wednesday, August 28, at The Castle on Beach 116th Street, 7 p.m. For more information, visit The Awkward Academy: