The Reluctant Vegan

The Lazer Speaks
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I am like most red-blooded American men in that I like a good steak, a hot dog, a hamburger, chicken and most meat products. I don’t like to think about how those items came to me, or what the process was, or even if any of that stuff is any good for me; if it tastes good, that’s good enough for me. Sometimes it’s just the memory of something tasting good, because not every steak is a good one.

So I was in for a bit of shock when I came home to the announcement by the mermaid that she was embarking on a three-week vegan diet and how would I like to join her! To say I felt ambushed is to put it bluntly; I mean I had never given any thought to being vegan, while my flippered mate had been considering this move in silence for quite some time. Thinking quickly on my feet, I queried whether that meant she would be preparing only vegan meals? The answer was equally swift: “duh!”

The name of the vegan diet is “Crazy, Sexy You” by Kris Carr. Since the first meal was upon us, I considered my options, and decided to try the first meal. I mean, maybe this diet would turn me into crazy, sexy me? And so I watched with trepidation as my Irish trained chef worked furiously in the kitchen, with a passion I had never seen for food before. There was much chopping, blending, and mixing. There were nuts of all kind, purees, pastes, and greens, oh yes, plenty of greens all mixed together. The first meal was very colorful, and I am a sucker for colors, and to my surprise it tasted very good. As I closed my eyes that night, I thought perhaps this might work.

Well, after three weeks I can tell you that I absolutely loved it. My soul mate developed cooking skills I never knew existed, and while I did not become one bit more sexy, my mind and body felt much better. I may have even lost a pound or two, but that is unconfirmed at this point. And I felt very comfortable looking at my animal friends without any latent guilt.

Now I may have had some fish during this three week episode, and I might have had a hamburger that got lost and found its way into my tummy, but for the most part I stayed the course, even drinking some foul looking, but good tasting green stuff. Am I a changed man? Well, the answer there is a definite “maybe.” I still like eating hamburgers and hot dogs, and steak and sausage, but can I go without that stuff for a day or two or more – it turns out the answer is yes! Is it better for you? Well again, if you listen to the experts, one of whom happens to live with me, the answer seems to be yes. Of course, you want to make sure that you’re not the healthy guy who could live to 100 but unfortunately has a house fall on you, and end everything prematurely.

So if you see me on the boards drinking some salad with some quinoa on the side, know that I am still American. And if you drive by my house at night and you see me dunking an Oreo, please don’t tell the vegan community on me, I would hate to be ostracized, because despite the lack of meat, I have found that some vegans can get violent quickly! Who knew?

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