What Next?

The Lazer Speaks

People often ask me – Lazer, where do you come up with this stuff? Family members who know me well, realize that I had full access to all types of fairy tales prior to the Internet and Google. In fact, they would joke that I would make stuff up so much that they began calling my well researched answers: Loogle. Very funny, my family!

But truth be told, I now have to more thoroughly research what I tell people, because they can immediately fact check the veracity of my statements. This has led to some uninspired storytelling on my part, because the stuff has to be mainly true now. Of course, I would never fabricate any of the stories that I have passed on to you through these columns. There are mermaids, and they do hide Oreos, and the damn Scungilli is disappearing as we speak. These things are all true. And the stories about Manhattan are all true too.

Now I try not to just write what others have written about so I do try to give the narrative a different flavor, a Rockaway twist as one might say. And I do try to keep it as impersonal as possible, but it is true, you may recognize certain people by the descriptions that I insert from time to time. On the whole, I have been blessed by a friend who gave me an opportunity to grace this paper doing one of the things that I truly love, and at a time in my life when I could actually devote time to doing it: that is, creative writing.

When I asked, “Well what do I write about?” The response was, you have 500 words on any topic you want. Most people would have been daunted by such a wide net, but for me it was a license to let my imagination run wild. That also meant that I needed to employ a “filter” to make sure the depths of my madness were not on full display each week. And happily, times being what they were, the mermaid happily accepted the position as Editor in Chief of the Lazer  Speaks. Little did she realize this title would come with the wedding vows exchanged thirty-three years ago right here on the sandy shores of our blessed peninsula.

I do enjoy a good walk though, and Manhattan provides a terrific backdrop for history. So, I pass on what I see. And being an avid bicycle rider, the beach provides a steady stream of information that passes by my eyes, and again, I simply report what I see. Now I am perhaps more optimistic than most, I do believe in the good side of people, and unless I am really tired, don’t get that cranky about things, despite what others may say and believe. And hopefully that comes through in these weekly missives that I get to share with you.

Of course, by now you are probably wondering what is Lazer getting at? Why is he rambling so? Is he well? Has he had a life-altering yoga experience? Or has he simply gone mad? Well, the answer to these questions and the title of this essay, “What Next?” is this: I got nothing this week and have been deliberately wasting your time. But in doing so, hopefully brought a smile to your face, because all of the above is mostly true, and you can Loogle that!

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