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Absentee? I’ll Say

I need to rant. I was going to write a letter to the editor but I was afraid The Rockaway Times wouldn’t print it. There’s been a lot of count-all-the-votes and stop-counting-the-votes noise but in my book it’s more like start the vote count. I was a regular boy scout johnny-come-early with my absentee ballot. I mailed it September, wait I gotta put that in caps, SEPTEMBER 30 and they still haven’t friggin’ counted my vote. Which could definitely sway things. It’s 36 days. I have the receipt. It was reported that a full week after Election Day, just 74% of votes in New York have been counted....

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Make Do

We weren’t poor, we were inventive. We’ve gone from make-do to just get another one. I was watching Intelligence on Netflix, a pretty good mob/government conspiracy series and there’s a cliffhanger at the end of Season 2. I do the quick search with the remote and I don’t see Season 3. I ask the friend who recommended it and he says, yeah, there’s no Season 3, that’s it. First, I’m annoyed. How can you recommend something that just goes away, and isn’t resolved? And he shrugs, that’s the way life is, dude. Is it coming back? I ask. Doubt it, he says, they’re using flip phones. Oh… Well,...

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It Was Nine O’Clock On A Saturday

Some people will mark the Sandy anniversary next week, I’ll mark the time a buddy and I got kicked out of a Billy Joel concert. There should be a word for getting busted on something that’s a lot less egregious than a previous offence. Something a little less than Caponed.  As you know, Al Capone was a bootlegger who killed people, had people killed, and was Public Enemy Number One. They got him on tax evasion. He got Caponed. I believe my legal eagle friends call that justice by proxy. Everybody knew he was guilty of vicious crimes so getting him one way or the other seemed reasonable. Few...

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The Rockaway Hotel

If you just want the short version, this is a rave review. The long version begins with us arriving for a staycation, being greeted by friendly, welcoming staff at the front door of The Rockaway Hotel, the brand new place on Beach 108th Street and Rockaway Beach Boulevard. A minute later, you’re struck by the sleek lobby and the feeling you’ve just left Rockaway but you haven’t; you’ve stepped into an alternate Rockaway universe, Rockaway, at its best. It’s Rockaway potential, realized. And then you get another nice greeting from people, all with blue masks, working in the lobby and at the front...

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General Absolution Do-Overs

In the old days, a hindu was a do-over. You’d be playing some game and if a ball hit a crack or a stick and went out of play, somebody would call “hindu” and it meant you had to do the play over again. Why hindu? Well, what’s Hindu known for? Among other things, at the top of the list is reincarnation, probably the biggest do-over of all time. So, when the ball hit the crack, you couldn’t expect street kids to yell “reincarnation!” Do-over has three syllables and hindu only two. Abbreviation is a way of life, especially in New York, where you can tell a story but you gotta land the plane. You...

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Anchor Men

No one likes getting ink more than my siblings so I’m running a column from last year. I was out on a boat with four Captain Queegs last week, though only one knew how to sail. He was the alpha Queeg, although the others were his equal or worse when it came to screaming paranoia, outsized delusion, and general insanity. Of course, I’m talking about my brothers. One of those brothers will be pleased, no matter what, because he appears in this week’s column. He says it’s the only reason to read Boyleing Points – if he’s in it or can take claim for that week’s topic. He’s often mistaken. I once...

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Silence Is Golden

Things don’t have to have context for me to enjoy. If out of the blue, someone said, you want to whine? I’ll give you something to whine about. I’d chuckle. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Gets me every time.  This is sort of a continuation of the column I wrote a few weeks ago about how I feel like I’m in one of those movies where everything’s the same but different, too. That’s why I don’t check in with my siblings or pretty much anybody else. What’s new? Nothing. How’s everybody? You know, fine. Everybody’s good. After we agree that things suck, there’s not much else to...

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Where Is This?

Rockaway is a show about nothing.  I’ve been guilty of saying summer’s over on the 4th of July (to the extreme annoyance of many) but this year I should have declared it over on Memorial Day. Or the day after the Rockaway St. Patrick’s parade. I feel like I’m in one of those movies where everything’s the same but different, too. Didn’t we have volleyball leagues and Summer Classic basketball once upon a time?  The Rockaway Theatre Company would have hot-ticket shows in the summer and The Rockaway Artists Alliance would have cool exhibits. Now? The Rockaway Times would be telling everyone to...

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Where We Are

Looters and rioters should be arrested and prosecuted. They’re criminals and we need police to stop them. Period. Too bad that’s gotta be said. These days, you say anything and you can sense you’re being sized-up. Sometimes peoples’ ey­es narrow and it’s clear they’re trying to figure out what “side” you’re on. If you are in support of protests, you shouldn’t have to offer a preamble. You shouldn’t have to say that looting is criminal. You shouldn’t have to say upfront that you do not support anarchy or spitting on cops. But that’s where we are. It’s too bad we can’t compartmentalize. It’s too...

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