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Things To Do

As we all continue to mark time sheltering in place during this coronavirus pandemic, I am beginning to sense that there are some of us who are beginning to fray around the edges. In this free-form, kind of weird world that we’re in right now, everybody’s internal clock has been thrown off kilter. There’s just no reference point anymore. Everybody’s just sitting around the house binge watching something on Netflix. So I stretched out on the couch with a big bowl of chocolate ice cream smothered in hot fudge covered with marshmallows and nuts…..OK, wait a minute, I may have slightly digressed there for a moment. What I meant to say is that stripped of life’s usual rhythm by the coronavirus pandemic, it appears that many of us have lost track of the time, too.

March ended without March Madness, schools remain closed. May graduations have been canceled. Church services, weddings and happy hours have been called off indefinitely. Barber shops and nail and hair salons are shuttered.  For those able to work from home, daily cues like commuting and socializing after work have evaporated. Workdays blur together, and weekends are just weekdays with fewer obligations. Even a trip to our home’s bathroom, which in kinder times served as a sort of “Fortress of Solitude,” now only serves as an additional measure of uncertainty as, while sitting atop the porcelain throne, we are now forced to worry if we have a sufficient stock of toilet paper on hand!  Easter Sunday passed unremarkably, bereft of the normal annual family gatherings and meals. Given all that, none of us should find it surprising that we oftentimes stop suddenly and sadly wonder aloud to ourselves, “What day is it?”  

What to do? Firstly, get off your keister and turn off that Linda Ronstadt song “Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me” you have playing in the background. Start looking on the bright side of things. No professional sports means no more overpaid pampered jocks protesting by kneeling during our National Anthem at games. Schools are closed?  Take some time and start really interacting with and appreciating your children and limit the amount of technology used to “mute” the hard edges of the responsibility of rearing a child.

As an aside, if you actually undertake this suggestion, ensure you have an ample supply of valium on hand! Barber shops and hair and nail salons closed? Just keep reminding yourself that there is no such thing as a bad hair day and discover the mullet, embrace your gray and be open to the wonders of the modern nail clipper. If you are truly worried about your roots showing, keep in mind that two-tone heads may become all the rage! Working from home? Remember, it’s always dress-down Friday and you don’t have to worry about your boss finding you playing solitaire on your computer!

No church services? Save what you would have donated to the collection plate so you have some mad money when happy hours are reinstated! A wedding that has been canceled? Think of it as a nasty marital break-up avoided and again, save the money that would have otherwise gone to the marriage counselors and divorce lawyers and invest in toilet paper stock.

Oh, and if you truly have difficulty remembering what day it is, get hold of the Broad Channel Historical Society and invest in a calendar.

Stay safe.

Broad Channel, why would anyone want to live anywhere else?

By Petter Mahon 

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