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Behavior Monitors

The Memorial Day holiday weekend is accompanied by a litany of proscribed behavior decreed by none other than our very own Mayor Bill De Blasio who has decreed that only residents of the communities surrounding the beaches should be allowed to use the beach and even then, simply as “just open space you can walk on….swimming, lifeguards, parties, barbecues and sports” are strictly verboten! And if any of you are thinking about disregarding our Supreme Leaders behavioral edicts by cooling your toes in the surf, it’s not the sand sharks you should be worried about but rather our mayor’s trite threat to use his unspecified underlings to ensure that “anyone who tries to get in the water will be taken out right away!”

Since there will be no lifeguards present at the beach, I am left to wonder just who will be tasked with running into the surf to capture and forcibly return all you ankle surfers to dry land. I don’t think our local constabulary will be too eager to enforce Mayor Bill’s dictum in this matter especially after the way De Blasio’s own Health Commissioner, Dr. Oxisis Barbot, responded to a recent request by the NYPD for additional face masks for their police officers when she not only refused the request but added “I don’t give two rats asses about your cops.”

I find myself yearning for those days in the not-so-distant past when Mayor Bill was continually out of the city spouting his platitudinous fluff to those few poor souls who actually chose to listen to him out west during his quixotic crusade to attain the Democratic presidential nomination. In any event, I guess we will all just have to wait and see how this all works out next week but if the weather is sunny and warm, it should prove very interesting.

So, if you are not an “end the lock down” activist, what is one to do? It was recommended to me by a neighbor who has not ventured from her house since Ground Hog Day back in February, that perhaps I should simply abide by the rules, keep my geriatric butt  at home, perhaps BBQ some hot dogs and stay in touch with family and friends via Skype or Zoom. She then added that if I do use Skype or Zoom, I should be aware of the Michigan University Press Release warning that the expanded use of virtual meeting platforms such as Zoom and Skype has created “a ripe setting for unconscious bias and microaggressions. This includes setting your background to an image of your wedding. Unconscious bias includes using language, symbolism and nonverbal cues that reinforce normative social identities with respect to gender, race, sexual preference and socioeconomic status…For example, when the virtual background of a Zoom meeting attendee has pictures of his or her wedding, it unintentionally reinforces the idea that marriage is most fitting between opposite sexes.”

Are you kidding me? Now if I use Zoom to reach out to someone I now have to worry about the P.C. police coming after me? On second thought I think I’ll simply head to the beach and annoy the hell out of our mayor!

Stay safe.

Broad Channel, why would anyone want to live anywhere else?

By Peter Mahon

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