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Chewing On Resolutions

Wait. I have to pause my typing to stuff another holiday goodie into my overused mouth.  It’s a joyful time but my keyboard looks pretty sad as it’s sprinkled with cookie crumbs and a stray Ghirardelli chocolate wrapper.  As the song goes, it’s the fat-fat-fat fattest time of the year. It’s that time of year when I’ve got more chins than a Chinese phonebook.  I mean, when you tie your shoelaces or god-forbid try to get something under the tree, you just don’t want witnesses as you struggle. The midsection gets in the way but it really feels like your head might just pop off and roll away.  You’re...

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A Rockaway Carol

Originally written right after Sandy, this Christmas Carol might remind us how far we’ve come since 2012 ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Rock There were broken hearts on every block  Where only chimneys  remained, no stockings were there It was easy to fall to a state of despair  Where were the children, were they snug in their beds? Or did visions of fire dance in their heads And me in my cap, a tear in my eye Was suddenly jostled by a strange burly guy  He said don’t you  remember, this is the beach Happy days are coming and all within reach The place took a pounding, of...

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Boyleing Points

The son who will remain nameless (except when referred to by others) will be arriving back on these shores this weekend after a semester in Ireland.  That’s a huge assumption because he might on a whim join the French Foreign Legion or lose another set of glasses, misread the airport signs and end up in Mozambique.  This time he might even have a good excuse.  The email read: I nailed my head going on a castle tour through some tiny ass doorway (yes, it was that small if I’m calling it tiny).  Have had a migraine since, although it’s better today compared to Friday when it happened....

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The Hating Game

A couple weeks back I stated my shock that some people didn’t know who the Most Interesting Man in the World was and I still can’t believe it.  One of those dear friends, however, redeemed herself when she suggested a far more interesting person would the Most Hated!  She wasn’t suggesting an ad campaign, she was just talking about who might be the most hated person we know. Now that was a good one.  She said there are two types of hated people. Those who know they are hated and don’t care at all and those who are oblivious and thinks the opposite – everybody loves me. There’s another category,...

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Oh, The Irony

I know it’s not really cold yet – though a couple of those windy days last week made me think about wearing footsie pajamas under my clothes.  Those were days when your windblown hair would make you look like a stark raving lunatic but the Albert Einstein coif only makes you look normal. Everyone was walking around like they stuck their finger in the socket and then jumped in the dryer. Now that the wind has tapered off – at least for the next 20 minutes or so – I can say it’s not cold.  It’s not cold but it is dark. So dark.  And the darkness reminds me to send season’s greeting to my fellow...

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The Holy Grail Is Looking For Him

Quick question:  who is the most interesting man in the world?  God knows it’s not me.  Though recent polls had me in the Top 200.  But don’t believe the polls!  Anyway, I’m not asking you to think about it.  I certainly don’t want you to come up with a list.  I just want you to tell me you’ve seen the commercials.  You know, the bearded, sophisticated guy who’d look into the camera and say, “I don’t always drink beer but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.” Please tell me you’ve seen one of the commercials from the ad campaign that ran for NINE years with the same character. There were film clips...

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An Overseas Tease

If you like early bird specials and Happy Hours, sometimes you miss history being made.  (Which is a good thing generally because you don’t want to be the one making history after Happy Hour). I missed history the last couple of weeks.  I stayed with the Cubs and Indians until a few minutes before midnight (I don’t know how I lasted that long!) but I couldn’t stay awake for the Cubs’ dramatic history-making win.  I woke up to a text from my eldest son, not the one in Ireland. He said:  Wow.  Some game!  I still didn’t know who won until I turned on the TV. As for that presidential thing I crashed...

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Pope Trumps Trump

Nobody’s ever compared me to Pope Francis, but at least I can say we have one thing in common: we don’t like Donald Trump.  The Pontiff has taken some subtle shots at The Orange One who in turn called the Pope “a disgrace.” Imagine if the Pope acted like Trump? He’d stand before a crowd in Rome a “really, really massive crowd, unbelievable.” And he’d say, “I’m holy, I’m really holy.  Really, really holy. I’m so holy, believe me.” Some people would think this a little weird, a little narcissistic, but most of the crowd would go wild, in awe of such of statement.  (Some might reasonably question...

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Guilt By Association

So, years ago, I met Hillary Clinton.  And I was introduced to her by Anthony Weiner.  Can you imagine? Don’t worry, I reported myself to a hazmat center and was immediately stripped naked and hosed down with some anti-bacterial foam.  It was the first anniversary of the crash of Flight 587 in Belle Harbor, a drizzly day in 2002.  A memorial service was planned at the crash site on Beach 131st Street and hundreds of people including Mayor Bloomberg, other officials, people from Washington Heights who had family or friends on the doomed flight, and a couple of priests. I had an umbrella and was...

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