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Hospitality Alert

I forget which Tubridy said it and I don’t have the exact quote but it’s something along the lines of nothing will kill you like Rockaway hospitality.  And ‘tis the season for hospitality.  Might be time to wear my I Love Bill de Blasio t-shirt so the invites slow down.  This fun is some hazardous shite. ‘Tis the season of the Killer B’s – barbeques, beach parties and buy backs.  You put your foot out the front door and you’re suddenly doing Rockaway Yoga, which is doing twists and impossible turns just to meet the social obligations of the summer. By the time we learn to pace ourselves,...

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Happy 4th

It’s 4th of July weekend and I bet you thought I was going to declare summer over.   I actually did that around Easter this year.   Summer ends earlier every year because every year there’s so much to do.  There’s logic in there somewhere. Anyway, it’s 4th of July weekend and I’m reminded how much America is like family: maddening, crazy, amazing, and necessary.  Add your own adjective, chances are it’ll fit.   For those of you who don’t know how you could possibly be related to that brother or sister, aunt or uncle, who drives you nuts – I feel the same way about some of our fellow Americans. ...

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Not So Terrible Two

Two years, already – two years since I last paid for a newspaper.  Yep, The Rockaway Times is two years old this week.  It’s no time for a victory lap because it’s not like we have things down to a science.  We make mistakes all the time and live in fear of disaster.  The Daily News prints our newspaper and if they ever go under who knows what we’ll do.  Though we do have a backup mimeograph machine. Remember them?  It’d be kind of funny to see people smelling The Rockaway Times the way kids in class used to smell handouts and sheets that were hot off the mimeograph.  I can hear people now,...

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RWA: Open Call For Artist Submissions

The Rockaway Waterfront Alliance will be accepting proposals for the 2016 Art Underneath the Elevated, a temporary public art installation that will commission three artists to envision, produce, and exhibit temporary sculpture and art underneath Rockaway’s elevated train structure. The space below the elevated A-line subway tracks is currently a fragmented roadway, and de facto community corridor for bikers and pedestrians, but has the potential to serve as an important cross-peninsula connection. With art and creative place making as a catalyst, RWA hopes to animate this public space...

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Day Of The Dad

I don’t know when dads turned into goof balls.   But “dad” is a put-down adjective applied to clothes, humor, bodies, dancing, and noises.  Yeah, noises.  My son tells me I make “all these dad noises.”   Bada bop bop bee dee bop bop.  Hmmmmmm….  If I’m not filling the air with some weird rhythmic sounds I’m tapping a counter or desk.  I’ve tried denying that I was doing any such thing but others – namely my wife—will say it’s true.  They make me feel like I should be living at The Park Inn on the boardwalk.       Of course, I had to Google if I was actually insane.  That’s the way it is.  As...

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The Rockaway Groan

Every now and then we put Public Service Announcements in the paper. You know, get screened for this cancer or that.  Eat your vegetables and brush your teeth.  This is the annual Please Don’t Invite Us To Anything Over The Summer announcement that you hope friends and family who live off the peninsula will read.  It’s basically necessary to reprint the column each year because you don’t want mainlanders thinking maybe we’re cracking, giving in to the idea that we’d be okay with leaving Rockaway for a day trip. And for those who live here, it’s a reminder to be careful with invitations.  If...

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I could write the opposite of the column Be Well, Be Happy. Feel Pain, Be Cranky, I could knock that off in my sleep.  Not that I get any sleep – shoulder pain keeps waking me the hell up.  Still, it’s an idea for a new column  There’s not that much difference between the chants at yoga class and the sounds I make getting in and out of a chair. They say mmmmmmm…..and I say uuhhhhhhhoooooouhhhh…. Same stuff. Anyway, last week I bored you with a quacky diagnosis that your pain is in your head.  You might have bulging disks and pinched nerves but the pain is really just a manifestation of the stress...

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It’s In Your Head

It’s all in your head.  That’s what my crystal ball is telling me about my latest pain.  Your back?  Your shoulder? It’s in your head. You doubt my crystal ball? You should. My tips and predictions are usually a good sign to go the other way. If I say one thing, bet the opposite and enjoy the winnings. I’m like a psychic with a million questions. Somebody not to be believed. You know how it is with psychics: What’s your name? Where did you grow up? Did you lose a loved one? You’re the frigging psychic why are you asking? Don’t you know?! But like a broken psychic I’m right twice a horoscope....

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Anything For Ratings

Lots of readers sent me very generous comments about last week’s column regarding my mother, Helen.  (Online at RockawayTimes.com) Of course, she couldn’t take the praise and went into hiding hoping everyone would forget the whole thing by the next time she ventured out.  But she’s cautious. If you see some woman walking around with one of those Groucho Marx masks it’s probably Helen trying to stay hidden.  And here’s a tip to the ladies at the Arts & Craft or the Sea Breeze raves  – I can’t keep track of all afterhours hangouts she has – don’t believe her when she says she’s not related...

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