If wealth is measured in friends, the position for the richest person in town is now open.

And move over, St. Patrick, there’s another Patrick on the way. Although the biggest social day of the year in Rockaway is the St. Patrick’s Parade,…

I know the world’s going to hell in a handbasket — a phrase that never made sense to me. Why a handbasket? Why not a backpack or a wheelbarrow? It sounds like we’re going on a picnic to eternal damnation. But anyway…

The world is…

I just found out writing isn’t like riding a bike.  It’s not as easy as putting one word in front of the other. Damn-de-damn-doo–I think I forgot how to do this shite. Five hundred words from here looks like 500 miles.

So, what am I…

When you bike cross country, you develop certain skills – like adjusting your underwear going downhill at 30 mph. You don’t want to kill the momentum, so you stand on your pedals, do a little twerk, hoping that’ll be enough for the…

If you’re a regular reader of Facts You Probably Don’t Need, you probably already know Kansas is a long ass state in the middle of a long ass country.  As I often doubt the facts presented by the factologist in this newspaper, I had to see for…

This column is reprinted from the May 5, 2022, issue of The Rockaway Times.

As usual, the following content is intended for immature audiences.