I’ve come to the conclusion that “Employees Must Wash Their Hands Before Returning to Work” signs are the most patronizing aspect of my life. Let’s explore.
I recently learned that these signs are legally required to be hung in the bathrooms of restaurants and bars. What a load of crap (pun very much intended).
Who exactly are those signs for? At first glance, you might think they’re for the employees — the restaurant and bar version of an office memo. That’s possible, I suppose.
But I wonder how that started.
I guess the implication is that, before these signs were hung above the sink, employees simply were not washing their hands before returning to work.
Was that really a major issue?
I’ve been to some hole-in-the-wall restaurants. Some have been pretty dingy. But that doesn’t mean the people working there are animals. They still know to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom.
This isn’t the Middle Ages. It’s not much of an inconvenience to wash your hands. The soap and water are right there. No need to leave the tavern and walk half a mile down to the local stream before returning to your 20-hour-a-day job that pays one shilling and a pint of warm beer a week.
Maybe they were worried that after installing a hand dryer to save on paper towels, employees would become so frustrated waiting for their hands to dry that they would simply abandon the whole operation. That would be understandable, at least.
But the fact of the matter is I don’t think the signs are really for the employees at all. I think they’re for you and me, the paying customers. They exist to satisfy our instinctive desire for reassurance.
Don’t you see? If you notice the sign in the bathroom, you can rest easy knowing that every employee who used that restroom today washed their hands with vigor because a little plastic sign instructed them to do so.
So often when I reach this point in a column along these lines, I worry that my point is coming across wrong. Let me be clear: I am very much in favor of people washing their hands!
I just find it hilarious to imagine this little sign changing anyone’s mind. Are there really people who weren’t going to wash their hands, but then spotted that sign above the sink and thought, “You know what? That’s a fair point.”
Suddenly, because of the demands of this new six-by-four-inch plastic overlord, they changed their minds.
I’ll be honest, when I see those signs, I almost hope the employees don’t wash their hands. I hope they are so offended by the idea that this sign is making any difference that they stage a tiny personal rebellion right there in the bathroom.
“Screw you, you condescending sign!” I hope they growl into the mirror while staring themselves dead in the eye. “I will not be another obedient sheep today!”
And then they march right back out to flip hamburgers with their soiled hands.
“Order up! Health inspector’s burger right here!”
